30 the new 20? Not so sure about that.

In preparation for my 30th birthday all last year I could be heard saying that 30 is the new 20. But now I’m 30 and I have to admit that it sucks to get older. This cold bug I caught can be blamed. I am looking forward to being able to breathe through my nose again. I take for granted my nose and its clear airways and also my throat and the absence of pain until a sore throat hits.

I am now on cycle day 20 and I do not think I’ve ovulated this month yet. I have had some fertility signs indicating that ovulation might be approaching based on cervical mucus findings, but up until this morning it has been difficult to take my basal temperature because I was sick and stuffed up. I hope that I will have a high basal temp tomorrow morning. That would be great. Like last month even if I don’t get pregnant this month it would be nice to ovulate at the very least.

This weekend I realized that May is on its way in just a few short months and I don’t know if I’m prepared for it. I am not prepared for the year anniversary of Orion’s birth. I think maybe my husband and I should go on a vacation for Orion’s birthday. I was hoping that I would be pregnant by May so that I can be happy about something in our near future, but I’m not sure I will be pregnant by then now that I know I’m struggling so much to ovulate monthly.

Not only do we have to deal with infertility we also have to deal with the fact that we might loose the baby we tried so hard to get to SMA. That sucks to say the least. I feel bad for my husband sometimes because of my infertility. Yesterday he was depressed. I haven’t seen him that bad since just after Orion passed. I wished I could do something for him, but I was thankful that I wasn’t having a bad day too. That would have been difficult. I just wish my body worked. I do feel less of a woman sometimes due to my issues.

On another note I might be changing jobs within the same company. It will be a good move for me I think and it involves a raise, so that’s always good. I will be taking the job one of my good friends is vacating. I’m sad that she is leaving. My direct supervisor will be my current Bishop at church. He is great, so I’m happy about this. I just have to make it official and find a replacement for my job, train them, and then I can go be trained for my friend’s job…my future job.