I’m 17 weeks pregnant today and on Thursday I lost my son to SMA. It was difficult and painful, but now we can go on with hope for our daughter. I have three weeks of increased risk for miscarriage (5%), but I’m trying not to dwell on that. I do think about it, but I try to assure myself that I have a great chance that all will be well with her. I just want everything to work out okay for that little girl inside me. So, in a few weeks I’ll get another ultrasound to see how things are going in there. I look forward to April when the baby comes. For now I’m counting down the days to Christmas because all of this will be behind me and with luck I’ll have a bigger belly and be able to indulge in holiday treats. I’m still feeling sick in the evenings and sometimes during the day, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll have more luck with food next month!
I’m still not ready to buy girl’s clothing or anything baby yet. It’s still too soon for me. I think once the New Year hits I’ll be on track for baby shopping.
In just three weeks I'll be halfway through my pregnancy!!! Hurray!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
15 weeks now
I’m 15 weeks pregnant and still feeling a little queasy in the evenings!!! Not fair twins. I think they just don’t like me. I might have to start grounding early. This pregnancy has been different in that I’m getting headaches fairly often. It’s not my favorite thing either. Enough with the complaining though because I can’t wait to have a little baby in my arms come the springtime.
I went to have my CVS test done during week 12 and I was so nervous. They did an ultrasound prior to the test to make sure they could test both kids and thankfully the test was a go. Unfortunately one of the babies had extra fluid behind the neck, so the doctor was immediately concerned and also ordered a rapid test on the chromosomes to see what was going on there. Upon hearing this news I was completely stressed out and upset that not only did we have SMA to deal with we had this other mystery chromosome thing haunting us. I did ask if this could be a sign of SMA because Orion did have extra fluid in his brain towards the end of the pregnancy. They said that SMA could not be detected on ultrasound, but I’m thinking at least that extra fluid can be a trigger for us in the future (if we decide to get pregnant again). Long story short the chromosomes came back normal on both babies. We were told that the SMA testing would take a month, but thankfully it only took one week. We have a boy that has SMA and he is the baby with the extra fluid. The other baby is a girl and she does not have SMA.
I had kind of expected the news that one of the babies would have SMA, so I was disappointed to hear it, but also prepared in a way. Maybe we just won’t be able to have sons in this lifetime. I was told by the geneticist that he looks pretty sick and babies with this much fluid most likely pass prior to birth. I have to say that I’m so thankful that Orion was born and that we were able to get him diagnosed! Otherwise we would have just thought I had a miscarriage and then we’d live the nightmare again someday.
Last night I was thinking about the CNN newsperson Nancy Grace and her twins. She had boy/girl twins. The boy is 5 pounds and the girl 2 pounds. I had a dream that I had my twins and they were the same weights as Nancy Grace’s children. In my dream my boy passed away…which we know will happen at some point soon anyway, but I was completely anxious over my little two pound girl who was struggling. It was a day by day hour by hour fear that she wasn’t going to survive. I woke up and tried to shake the dream by thinking about other things, but when I went back to sleep I continued to dream about this. What a nightmare…and so real to me. I just want everything to turn out okay for her.
On a lighter note I’m so excited to have a healthy baby in there. It’s weird to think girl now. I went through Orion’s clothing over the weekend and decided to re-gift some items and give away the others to friends that are having boys. I had to keep a few of the outfits and then we are keeping the neutral and some blue items anyway. I have been in boy mode for a while now, so I’ll have to start to think pink soon! I have a few favorite names, so that’s good.
I have a bit of a cold right now, so I’ve had the sniffles and sneeze a lot. I was on my way to the restroom in the afternoon (one of the many trips I take throughout the day) and sneezed. A little bit of pee came out!!! That’s a first. I laughed so hard. I’m getting old and definitely pregnant.
Also, I think I feel movement from time to time from the little ones. It’s kind of fun and my favorite part of pregnancy for sure. It’s such a special feeling. One morning I woke up and it felt like I had little caterpillars moving around in there. It’s strange with twins. It’s sad that they both are not healthy and we will not be able to raise them together, but I am counting my blessings that I’ll have my little gal in just under six months!!!
I went to have my CVS test done during week 12 and I was so nervous. They did an ultrasound prior to the test to make sure they could test both kids and thankfully the test was a go. Unfortunately one of the babies had extra fluid behind the neck, so the doctor was immediately concerned and also ordered a rapid test on the chromosomes to see what was going on there. Upon hearing this news I was completely stressed out and upset that not only did we have SMA to deal with we had this other mystery chromosome thing haunting us. I did ask if this could be a sign of SMA because Orion did have extra fluid in his brain towards the end of the pregnancy. They said that SMA could not be detected on ultrasound, but I’m thinking at least that extra fluid can be a trigger for us in the future (if we decide to get pregnant again). Long story short the chromosomes came back normal on both babies. We were told that the SMA testing would take a month, but thankfully it only took one week. We have a boy that has SMA and he is the baby with the extra fluid. The other baby is a girl and she does not have SMA.
I had kind of expected the news that one of the babies would have SMA, so I was disappointed to hear it, but also prepared in a way. Maybe we just won’t be able to have sons in this lifetime. I was told by the geneticist that he looks pretty sick and babies with this much fluid most likely pass prior to birth. I have to say that I’m so thankful that Orion was born and that we were able to get him diagnosed! Otherwise we would have just thought I had a miscarriage and then we’d live the nightmare again someday.
Last night I was thinking about the CNN newsperson Nancy Grace and her twins. She had boy/girl twins. The boy is 5 pounds and the girl 2 pounds. I had a dream that I had my twins and they were the same weights as Nancy Grace’s children. In my dream my boy passed away…which we know will happen at some point soon anyway, but I was completely anxious over my little two pound girl who was struggling. It was a day by day hour by hour fear that she wasn’t going to survive. I woke up and tried to shake the dream by thinking about other things, but when I went back to sleep I continued to dream about this. What a nightmare…and so real to me. I just want everything to turn out okay for her.
On a lighter note I’m so excited to have a healthy baby in there. It’s weird to think girl now. I went through Orion’s clothing over the weekend and decided to re-gift some items and give away the others to friends that are having boys. I had to keep a few of the outfits and then we are keeping the neutral and some blue items anyway. I have been in boy mode for a while now, so I’ll have to start to think pink soon! I have a few favorite names, so that’s good.
I have a bit of a cold right now, so I’ve had the sniffles and sneeze a lot. I was on my way to the restroom in the afternoon (one of the many trips I take throughout the day) and sneezed. A little bit of pee came out!!! That’s a first. I laughed so hard. I’m getting old and definitely pregnant.
Also, I think I feel movement from time to time from the little ones. It’s kind of fun and my favorite part of pregnancy for sure. It’s such a special feeling. One morning I woke up and it felt like I had little caterpillars moving around in there. It’s strange with twins. It’s sad that they both are not healthy and we will not be able to raise them together, but I am counting my blessings that I’ll have my little gal in just under six months!!!
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