Eyeliner woes

I was reminded of an experience in high school this morning when I was putting my eyeliner on--strange, because the only thing in common is the eyeliner. This morning I decided to put eye linter on. I don’t always put eyeliner and mascara on (lazy). The pencil needed sharpening, so I went ahead and did that. I then proceeded to apply. I finished my first eye without incident, but then I started my right eye and a little piece of wood must have fallen off into my eye. Ten minutes later I was still trying to wash my eye out. I couldn’t keep my eye open long enough to try to find the wood chip. It was unpleasant to say the least. I decided not to reapply the eyeliner, so now that I think of it I have one eye with eyeliner and one eye without! Ugh! It is now four hours later and my eye is finally feeling better now.

My memory from high school was in French class. I don’t remember what year, but it was either sophomore or junior. We must have been finishing class or doing some group work. A female acquaintance asked me if I was wearing eyeliner. I said I wasn’t (but I was). She then said that she was just going to say that it looked good on me. I will always remember that. I was so unsure of myself. I was afraid that she was going to tell me that it looked hideous, so that’s why I instantly denied. Of course she saw that I was lying. After I lied I couldn’t turn around and say, just kidding I am wearing eyeliner.

I also remember almost falling asleep daily in Mrs. Nixon’s English class my senior year. I couldn’t stay awake. I think it’s because in addition to attending seminary every weekday morning before school in the years prior to that I had band practice for zero period and that kept me on my feet and busy. I also woke up at 5 in the morning every day while I was in high school. I’m thankful that I haven’t seen that time of the morning in a long time.

The importance of floss

I ran out of floss the other day and knew it was going to be a bad day.

I had a bad day at work the other day. I just got back from a week vacation (which was wonderful by the way) on Tuesday and apparently while I was away some things happened. I could have fixed the problems had I been here, but I focused on other things before I left and let a few things fall through the cracks. Bummer. I was not punished or written up, but my supervisors were concerned that I was overloaded with work. I think I’m busy, but I like to be busy. I figure that my problem was just that I focused on other things before my trip and what can you do? There were also miscommunications involved. For a particular meeting I thought I had informed the people involved, but three of the five did not show up. Later one admitted to not listening when I informed her. Anyhow, I am the type of person to take myself very critically. I punish myself for wrongdoings. I thought about what happened for a day or two. Life is fine now at work and I love my job. At work they think I’m very capable and can handle anything.

Sometimes I feel like a fake though. I have this persona that I show other people. I show people a confident, happy, friendly person. Inside I’m afraid that I’ll mess up. I’m not good enough. I’m afraid that one day people will see me for who I really am. Once someone told me that I was the nicest person they knew. I felt so bad for her. I think unkind things about other people, she was one of them. I never told her any of the things I was thinking, so she thought I was nice, but I know what I was thinking. I hate to hurt people’s feelings.
Here is another thing I’m worried about. Motherhood! I want to have a child, but I don’t want to mess him/her up. I know that some of my childhood was messed up because of my parents and their relationship and I am terrified of doing that to my children. I have a good marriage this time around, but still, I’m scared. Okay, I’m also worried about gaining 30+ pounds while I’m pregnant and never loosing it like family members of mine.

Maybe I’m just hormonal right now and that’s why I’m worried so much about work, bills, and motherhood. Typical female, right? Blame it on hormones.