My sister called me late last week and told me that she is expecting her fourth child. I knew she was trying for one more child, but hoped that it would take a bit longer. I selfishly wish that she could have just waited a bit longer before procreating once again. I am happy for her though. She is barely over 35, so it’s better for her to get pregnant now rather than later.
Dom and I are going to try again soon anyway. We both feel the urge to make another attempt at parenthood. I feel pretty good about it. I do feel strongly about starting to try soon. It’s strange because I am usually a “cup half empty” kind of person when it comes to things for myself. In this case after all that has happened I’m feeling completely the opposite. I feel like things are going to work out this time. I feel like Dom and I will have a healthy child. It’s probably crazy for me to think this way.
There are a few factors involved in deciding if we are going to start trying this month or not. I had my MMR vaccination just about a month ago and I just want to make sure that I space it out appropriately. The CDC says to wait 28 days and the egg would not be fertilized until week after. (If we were lucky enough to conceive the first month we tried). I called my OB/GYN to ask about this.
I am going to start acupuncture next week to help with fertility because I do not cycle regularly. It will be interesting to see if this works for me. My doctor did tell me that if we didn’t get pregnant after three months of trying that she would issue us some Clomid again because of my troubles with conceiving in the past.
In the meantime I am going to try to loose weight. I still have to loose that last ten pounds. I am going to give up soda as of today. I indulged myself in drinking Pepsi again after Orin was born, but now it’s time to give it up again for two reasons…weight loss and I don’t want the caffeine in my system if and when we conceive.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Break
I am feeling a bit better than last week. My husband and I definitely decided to just take a break from the serious for a moment and hold off until the beginning of the year for anything. We are seriously considering just conceiving on our own at this point. I cannot find any funding for the PGD or IVF and we do not want to go into that much debt unless it was for a car. We do have a 75% chance for a healthy baby, so we hope for the best. I usually worry and think the worst is going to happen, but it’s strange because in this situation I feel pretty positive about my next pregnancy. I don’t feel very worried yet. Maybe that will kick in when we actually do get pregnant again. We would have to wait until week 10 of the pregnancy to set our mind at ease and find out if the baby was affected or not.
I am still trying to put together my plans to start up a foundation to help parents financially with IVF and PGD. It is just plain silly insurances would not cover this for people with genetic risks. There is a need for this service; I just have to figure out a way to fund it with enough money to help a significant amount of families. I have a few ideas, but I wonder if it will be enough. It would be a dream come true to have some real heavy hitters involved with donations and get things going. I dream of nice dinner events and a few other fund raising ideas I have. It would be nice to help other people. It would be nice if I could find something already in place that I could use, but I guess that’s not in the cards for me. I hate that the insurance would have to put me in the position of deciding whether or not to try for a baby on our own and go through the pain of loosing a second or third child to this disorder. You would think from just a financial point of view they would concede and let us have the money for the IVF. Orion’s bills were so high we could have had several rounds of IVF and be done with it.
There was an amazing thunder and lightening storm last night! It was beautiful. Dom and I sat outside on lawn chairs with an umbrella and just watched the sky light up. We love storms like that. We know it is dangerous in this area for wild fires, but it sure is an impressive sight for us to watch. Just a few nights ago I had another encounter with a deer. This time it was a buck and he was beautiful. I thought he might cross the road, but I looked at him and it looked like he shook his head no, as if to say he was not going to cross yet. I know that’s silly, but it was funny to me. He did cross the road two cars behind me.
I am still trying to put together my plans to start up a foundation to help parents financially with IVF and PGD. It is just plain silly insurances would not cover this for people with genetic risks. There is a need for this service; I just have to figure out a way to fund it with enough money to help a significant amount of families. I have a few ideas, but I wonder if it will be enough. It would be a dream come true to have some real heavy hitters involved with donations and get things going. I dream of nice dinner events and a few other fund raising ideas I have. It would be nice to help other people. It would be nice if I could find something already in place that I could use, but I guess that’s not in the cards for me. I hate that the insurance would have to put me in the position of deciding whether or not to try for a baby on our own and go through the pain of loosing a second or third child to this disorder. You would think from just a financial point of view they would concede and let us have the money for the IVF. Orion’s bills were so high we could have had several rounds of IVF and be done with it.
There was an amazing thunder and lightening storm last night! It was beautiful. Dom and I sat outside on lawn chairs with an umbrella and just watched the sky light up. We love storms like that. We know it is dangerous in this area for wild fires, but it sure is an impressive sight for us to watch. Just a few nights ago I had another encounter with a deer. This time it was a buck and he was beautiful. I thought he might cross the road, but I looked at him and it looked like he shook his head no, as if to say he was not going to cross yet. I know that’s silly, but it was funny to me. He did cross the road two cars behind me.
Friday, August 04, 2006
insurance
8/4/06
I got the news the other day that insurance is not going to cover the procedures. I am feeling pretty down about this news. I have had a difficult time keeping myself together since Wednesday.
My plan now is to hold off on the PGD and IVF until January or February. In the meantime I plan on getting a part-time job in the evenings and weekends and working as much as I can. I will be saving that money for the procedures and hopefully we will have a big chunk of it to pay right away before financing the rest. I really don’t want to have 14,000 of debt.
Dom and I could take the risk and just conceive on our own. Things could turn out just fine. We are feeling unsafe with that option though. We want to protect ourselves as much as we can from that happening again. I still replay the horror of learning the news that Orion was never going to get better. It was even more horrible to hold my son as he passed away. I will never forget that. I will never forget him. We hope that our son did not give his life in vain. We hope that Orion provided a way for his younger siblings to have healthy bodies.
I do have a small service project planned for tonight. It should be good to do something nice for someone else. I’m looking forward to helping.
Soon I hope to be working more. I did apply for a job at an animal ER. They offered it before we knew if the insurance was going to pay or not. The job was a lot of hours a week, so I turned it down. Since we found out that we will have to pay for the IVF I decided it would be wise to take the job, so I called them back. They are interviewing others right now, but said they would call me back on Sunday. I hope I get something. There is also a pharmacy I’d like to work at, so I’m giving that a try too.
I am going to be an even busier person now until the beginning of the year and gone are the plans for our Caribbean vacation. I think our family is more important than that trip.
I got the news the other day that insurance is not going to cover the procedures. I am feeling pretty down about this news. I have had a difficult time keeping myself together since Wednesday.
My plan now is to hold off on the PGD and IVF until January or February. In the meantime I plan on getting a part-time job in the evenings and weekends and working as much as I can. I will be saving that money for the procedures and hopefully we will have a big chunk of it to pay right away before financing the rest. I really don’t want to have 14,000 of debt.
Dom and I could take the risk and just conceive on our own. Things could turn out just fine. We are feeling unsafe with that option though. We want to protect ourselves as much as we can from that happening again. I still replay the horror of learning the news that Orion was never going to get better. It was even more horrible to hold my son as he passed away. I will never forget that. I will never forget him. We hope that our son did not give his life in vain. We hope that Orion provided a way for his younger siblings to have healthy bodies.
I do have a small service project planned for tonight. It should be good to do something nice for someone else. I’m looking forward to helping.
Soon I hope to be working more. I did apply for a job at an animal ER. They offered it before we knew if the insurance was going to pay or not. The job was a lot of hours a week, so I turned it down. Since we found out that we will have to pay for the IVF I decided it would be wise to take the job, so I called them back. They are interviewing others right now, but said they would call me back on Sunday. I hope I get something. There is also a pharmacy I’d like to work at, so I’m giving that a try too.
I am going to be an even busier person now until the beginning of the year and gone are the plans for our Caribbean vacation. I think our family is more important than that trip.
Copy machine repair man
8/2/06
Today I was asked by the copy machine repair man at work how my baby is doing. I explained to him that unfortunately he passed away and gave a very brief explanation that it was due to genetics. I then went to lunch and had to fight back some tears. I really felt like crying because my mind replayed the morning after Orion was born and the doctors told me that he might die. I really miss Orion.
I’m still just waiting to hear back from the insurance company as to whether or not they will authorize me to have the testing and invitro done. I hope they at least cover part…all would be nice, but I’ve learned to take bad news lately.
Not only is it emotionally distressing to loose a baby it is expensive for the insurance company. My son’s medical bills are already reaching 40,000 and that’s just for two week’s of life. If they would pay for one or two rounds of Invitro it would only be half that. Imagine if a future child was affected by this disorder and was not as sick as Orion. This child could hang on for two to three years and have to be under some serious medical care. This would cost the insurance company way more money. I hope they will see this and help my husband and me out.
I used to feel like I wanted to have a huge family (I am LDS after all). At this point I would feel incredibly blessed to have one healthy child. Gone are the days that I wanted 4 or even 3 children. I would like to have two…maybe with the invitro we will have twins and be done with it. That may be hoping for too much though. I just don’t want to risk pregnancies without testing first. There is too much risk involved.
Dom and I went to visit the cemetery a few nights ago and we were pleasantly surprised to see Orion’s headstone had arrived. It is beautiful.
I’m anxious to get started with PGD and IVF! I think it’s going to be October or January before we try. It would be nice if October worked out, but we are also okay with waiting a bit longer. I think it would just be nice to know at this point. Once we get an answer from our insurance company we can get to the next step in planning.
I’m seriously considering starting up some sort of foundation for PGD/IVF funding. I think there should be help available for people in similar situations as my husband and I are finding ourselves. I even bought a book to look into it. This is something I really feel is important.
Its funny how quickly life can change; just 9 weeks ago we had no idea what Spinal Muscle Atrophy was, but now it consumes most of my thoughts.
I have a famous second cousin that recently had twins. I am very happy for her that her twins are healthy. I feel sad that things worked out the way they did for me, but I hope for the future. I don’t talk to this family member. I vaguely remember her from family reunions when we were both much younger. I recently saw a picture of Gwen Stephani’s baby boy Kingston and it made me a little sad. He was born the day before Orion was and I figure that’s about the size he would be right about now…it’s hard. I remember when I was pregnant I was so excited for Gwen and felt a kinship towards her because of the timing of our pregnancies.
I realize that my thoughts were kind of all over the place, but sometimes that’s how I feel. I try not to think about the sad stuff too often, so I stay busy with planning positive things like weekend trips and things of that nature.
Today I was asked by the copy machine repair man at work how my baby is doing. I explained to him that unfortunately he passed away and gave a very brief explanation that it was due to genetics. I then went to lunch and had to fight back some tears. I really felt like crying because my mind replayed the morning after Orion was born and the doctors told me that he might die. I really miss Orion.
I’m still just waiting to hear back from the insurance company as to whether or not they will authorize me to have the testing and invitro done. I hope they at least cover part…all would be nice, but I’ve learned to take bad news lately.
Not only is it emotionally distressing to loose a baby it is expensive for the insurance company. My son’s medical bills are already reaching 40,000 and that’s just for two week’s of life. If they would pay for one or two rounds of Invitro it would only be half that. Imagine if a future child was affected by this disorder and was not as sick as Orion. This child could hang on for two to three years and have to be under some serious medical care. This would cost the insurance company way more money. I hope they will see this and help my husband and me out.
I used to feel like I wanted to have a huge family (I am LDS after all). At this point I would feel incredibly blessed to have one healthy child. Gone are the days that I wanted 4 or even 3 children. I would like to have two…maybe with the invitro we will have twins and be done with it. That may be hoping for too much though. I just don’t want to risk pregnancies without testing first. There is too much risk involved.
Dom and I went to visit the cemetery a few nights ago and we were pleasantly surprised to see Orion’s headstone had arrived. It is beautiful.
I’m anxious to get started with PGD and IVF! I think it’s going to be October or January before we try. It would be nice if October worked out, but we are also okay with waiting a bit longer. I think it would just be nice to know at this point. Once we get an answer from our insurance company we can get to the next step in planning.
I’m seriously considering starting up some sort of foundation for PGD/IVF funding. I think there should be help available for people in similar situations as my husband and I are finding ourselves. I even bought a book to look into it. This is something I really feel is important.
Its funny how quickly life can change; just 9 weeks ago we had no idea what Spinal Muscle Atrophy was, but now it consumes most of my thoughts.
I have a famous second cousin that recently had twins. I am very happy for her that her twins are healthy. I feel sad that things worked out the way they did for me, but I hope for the future. I don’t talk to this family member. I vaguely remember her from family reunions when we were both much younger. I recently saw a picture of Gwen Stephani’s baby boy Kingston and it made me a little sad. He was born the day before Orion was and I figure that’s about the size he would be right about now…it’s hard. I remember when I was pregnant I was so excited for Gwen and felt a kinship towards her because of the timing of our pregnancies.
I realize that my thoughts were kind of all over the place, but sometimes that’s how I feel. I try not to think about the sad stuff too often, so I stay busy with planning positive things like weekend trips and things of that nature.
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