Bad news from a friend

I got up on Saturday morning and opened my email. There was one from a good friend of mine, so I opened it after I deleted some of the junk mail. The email was sent out to a group of people announcing that she had to deliver her baby at 20 weeks gestation and the little girl passed away. This brought my feelings to the surface again. I know first hand the nightmare of loosing a baby and the loss of plans for the future. I hit the reply button, but wasn’t sure what to say. I decided to just let her know I was there for her and I shared my strategy on coping with the loss. I plan on staying busy with several things such as taking weekend trips, working out (after 7/10 when I hit the 6 week mark), planning for a future pregnancy, and saving up for a tropical vacation. I also asked if she and her husband wanted to join Dom and me for a camping trip in August somewhere halfway between where she lives and where I live. We can form a support group of sorts. We hope to get pregnant again around the same time and be successful this time! I talked to her on the phone last night and although it was kind of difficult we shared some of our experience with each other. This is something we hope to never have to go through again.

I really do look forward to carrying a child again. I miss feeling the baby moving and the weight of the baby. Yeah, I know I complained at the end like all women do when they are big and uncomfortable, but I really miss it now. I look forward to the day when I have another baby within me to love.

It has only been three weeks since we lost our baby. I sometimes think about the last time I was able to hold him in my arms. It was the only time I was able to hold him without the ventilator attached. When I allow my thoughts to wander and think about some of the precious moments I had with Orion it causes me to tear up. I’ve never been prone to tears as I am these days. I’m sure if and when I start the IVF process by taking extra hormones I’ll be even more of a mess by that point. I’m still so anxious to find out if we can get tested by PGD or not. If we cannot I’m just going to see what happens naturally and hope that our next baby falls into the 75% healthy instead of loosing another child to SMA. I hope the hospital up north sent the records right away and we get them this week. It would be nice! Even nicer though it would be if we could get the PGD and have a 98% chance of a healthy baby! That would be ideal. Less risk involved for sure.