Sad News

I had a doctor appointment yesterday for a check up. My doctor could not find Cali’s heartbeat, so she sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound there. Unfortunately the ultrasound confirmed that Cali had very recently passed. I went back to the doctor’s office and planned to come to the hospital very early this morning to induce labor…a process that can take 48 hours or so.

At this point I’m wondering if it’s something I did that caused her to pass away and I have lost confidence in successfully having a baby in the future. I’m not sure I’ll try getting pregnant again. I say that now, but I felt that way after Orion was born too, so maybe that will pass.

So, for now I just watch TV and wait. I am scared. I admit that. I try not to think about delivery too much though at this point. I’ll worry about it when we get there.

I just talked to the doctor and she told me that it was not anything I did and we will probably never know why she passed away. I just want to get this over with instead of waiting here in the hospital room anticipating.