Nose

Sometimes I feel like I should be the highest paid actress in Hollywood…or at least the second highest. I smile and get my work done and keep my head up during my two jobs. Yeah, two jobs, but I am choosing that. It’s to save up for things we want. I hope this is the last time I will be able to work two jobs. Once we do have a child that survives I will cut my hours back to one full time job with the ultimate goal of part time and eventually no job at all. Inside I am feeling pretty fragile emotionally sometimes. I feel teary sometimes, but mostly at night before bed. That’s when I do most of my thinking. I am successful with distracting myself most of the day, but when I am trying to relax at night to sleep thoughts of Orion creep in and that is when I think of him the most. I take Benedryl to help me sleep sometimes. I need to be really tired to get to bed. Lately it has not been so hard with the hours I’m working.

This is a time in my life where I feel like I should do everything I’ve wanted to do, within reason. I don’t want any regrets. When I look back at my life later on I want to smile, not frown. I also do not want to wonder what something would have been like. I have been given some extra time for whatever reason to be without a living child, so I am going to make the most of it. Although sometimes I feel like I am just marking time until I am pregnant again. I am attempting to make my days go by faster by working so many hours. I’m a little frustrated with my work out schedule though. I was working out almost daily before I started working two jobs, but now I have a hard time fitting more than two in a week. I can’t get my butt out of bed early enough before my first job to get that part done I do want to loose my baby weight and since I’m not getting pregnant fast enough for my liking I might as well get rid of that (as I eat a chocolate Entenmann's donut). In my acupuncture I mentioned that I’d like to loose some weight and she placed some small pins in my ear to help me along. I feel like this is an interesting experiment for me.

I also got my nose pierced on Monday. I have been thinking about it for a little while, but didn’t think I would really do it. I love how it looks on other people, so I wanted to try it out on myself. I am still getting used to it, but I like it so far. In six weeks she can put a retainer in so I can take it out when I need to. This is part of my “no regrets” campaign. I saw a lady at the store the other day that looked to be my grandmother’s age and she had a nose ring, so I thought if she could do it I could do it and finally went to get it done. I am a little nervous about what people at church might say and I’m afraid of seeing the Bishop, (kind of like a rebellious teenager being afraid to show her dad). I’m sure it will be just fine though.

Since the theme of this blog lately has been focused on family planning I will say that I’m kind of disappointed that I have not had my period since August! Silly me, but I had hoped that my cycles would become regular after my pregnancy. Unfortunately that did not happen. My acupuncturist told me that it can take a while to regulate cycles and I understand that, but I told her I can take my time later (after I have a healthy child) with getting a regular cycle. I would like to take the Clomid as soon as possible (November) to get the show on the road right now and then later I’ll be patient and try to regulate my cycles with acupuncture. I’m actually counting down the weeks until my appointment. At least then I can start getting a push in the right direction. I got pregnant the first month I took Clomid last time. I’m not going to expect to get pregnant the first month again, but at least I know it works.